InVirto Fertilization - Part 2
With the outcome of our first round, the doctors learned a few things and made some new adjustments to my protocol in hopes of a more positive outcome. This time around we knew we would be doing ICSI (Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection) on all of the eggs instead of just half to better our chances of more embryos at the end. I also had a endometrial biopsy early in the process so they could grow my lining over the next 6 weeks for the embryos to live in before being transferred back in. Because of the embryo quality, we chose this option to help the embryos grow in the culture they would be put into in hopes for better embryo quality on transfer day. Along with all of the IVF appointments and medications, this time around we tried chiropractic treatments along with it. For the entire process I saw our local chiropractor for adjustments and acupuncture weekly. At least we know that no matter what, we feel like we attempted everything possible to make this work.
After last round my feelings on IVF were very positive. This time around was harder - emotionally and physically. There were more mediations to keep up with and I had to take them longer than last time. I had to do them in stadium bathrooms, parking lot at the FC Dallas game, restaurant bathrooms, and work; sometimes up to 3 separate injections at a time - it is not as easy as it seems! That I will NOT miss...AT ALL. The injections were more painful, and left me with bruises all over my stomach. It also ended up scheduled during one of the busiest times at work to be going downtown for sonograms/blood work every 2-3 days for two weeks AND during football season to plan around Josh being home to help with some injections. I had to go to appointments by myself (aside from my mom and my bestie who stepped in when needed!) while Josh couldn't leave practice or school; I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but mentally sometimes I felt like I was doing it alone. I was the one having to do the injections, I was the one driving 150+ miles a week for appointments, I was the one who was bruised and tired, I was the one who was bloated and couldn't fit into my pants. While he couldn't physically be there for all of it, he was there for everything he could and of course was such great emotional support.
After 7 weeks we were finally ready for the egg retrieval - thank goodness. I needed to wear real pants again! This time around we retrieved 25....TWENTY-FIVE eggs! (Last time we got 19). That is ALOT. We went in for the procedure early that morning and were home before lunch. Seems easy, right? WRONG. The recovery was significantly more difficult. It was very close to the feeling after my surgery last year for the first few days. Not fun. BUT it was worth it, one step closer to a baby nugget! The day after the retrieval the embryologist called to tell us that out of the 25 eggs, 19 were viable. Still 5 more than last time! Out of the 19 eggs, we had FOURTEEN embryos! OMG, fantastic news, we can have some to freeze this time! Now we wait 5 days to see how many survive on transfer day. LONGEST WAIT EVER - seriously longer than the dreaded 2 week wait.
Transfer day was 5 days later. Talk about anxiety. I showed up full bladder and all (yes, they instruct you to drink plenty of water) took my valium and waited to get started. 10 minutes before we put those baby embryos in Dr. Putman came in to give us the count. Womp Womp....we only had 4 left. We lost 10 embryos within those 5 days. Our fears were confirmed. The endometrial co-culture did not help boost their development and we still had very low quality embryos. Low enough that we were given the choice to cancel the transfer completely. We still believed in a miracle. We decided that all hope was not lost and there was still a chance. We saw all 4 embryos in the microscope before we watched on the screen as the air bubble showed us were they were implanted. Now we wait. I was home for 4 whole days of bed rest. Just me, lots of pillows, and Netflix. Awesome - aside from the constant anxiety, afraid any wrong move would hurt those embryos tucked in my tummy. Going back to work was difficult, I still felt fragile. And at this point was an emotional wreck, but I held it together pretty good. Whatever the fate, it was already decided. I was still on estrogen patches and progesterone injections twice daily. I kept busy but still stayed stress free, activity free, and didn't lift anything as instructed. Seriously hard, so many rules that you don't realize you do on a daily basis. I couldn't even lift our fur babies! We have some amazing friends that brought us dinner a couple nights too so Josh could have a break from waiting on me hand and foot. Our life was consumed with constant prayers and hope for a miracle.
This time around I learned, I drove downtown for my blood work early in the morning and worked from home the rest of the day. This is news I wanted in the comfort of my own home. Hardest part is knowing no matter the results, I still had to wait for Josh to get home. Dr. Putman called at lunch time with our news. Though we had held out hope for a miracle to happen, I think we deep down knew that we really had no chance from the beginning. My test was negative. Surprisingly I was ok, that was until I asked if Dr. Putman could tell us what keeps causing such low quality embryos. Unfortunately, he fears that my eggs are the cause. Awesome....cue the waterworks. Thank goodness I have such sweet puppies, Deacon always knows when to give hugs, he could tell I was heartbroken. Josh came home in between practice so I didn't have to wait to tell him. We were both devastated. I mean how can you not be after living and breathing the hope of becoming pregnant for 8 weeks, let alone the months of planning and saving leading up to the process. At times during those 9 days of waiting I even convinced myself I thought I was - so hard not to be aware of feeling.
We still have to meet with Dr. Putman again this month to learn about more options available to us - there still are options. I am still heartbroken mourning the loss of a dream to have my own children. Josh still doesn't fully understand, but he's trying. How could he, how could anyone unless they have physically experienced it? I know that it doesn't mean we won't be parents one day. That hope is still there. It's just going to be longer than we wanted. I wish it could happen tomorrow. This whole process has been hard, even harder than last time. It has made us stronger and learn to hold each other just a little tighter. We can only get through this with love and support. Thank you to our family and friends who were with us along the way - your support and encouragement got us through.
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